Douchebag of the Month

Right, well now. I'm Barry. I'm made of ply, but that don't mean I take any shit, but I am heaps sick hey. Anyways there's going to be some changes around here, starting with my new monthly segment.

Last Month, that junkie 'Grosey' ranted and raved about kneebars and how they are as good as stealing monopoly money from a retard. This created a bit of stir as evident in the comments that were posted back. Well I guess its rather ironic that the winner of the first DB of the Month award be one such stirred individual.

And The Winner Is........Dave. Dave last week blew an ascent due to a 'calf failure' (that's right, he'd kneebarred so much on the route his calf gave out) which sent him flailing into the air from with in reach of the summit. Damn thats gotta suck hey.

Just goes to show you that instead of resting you should just punch that sucka out!

NB. Douchebags don't actually win a prize, but they do have a chance to redeem themselves. Cold beers are accepted forms of payments. I'll also be out at the crags, hanging around from the first bolts of routes taking notes, so watch out, you might be the next DB.

- Barry

Red Chili Pumpfest Series

Three local gyms have combined to run a three round Pump fest.

Round One - 2 May at Bayside Rock, Melbourne's newest venue for crushing
Round Two - 6 June at The Rock
Round Three - 4 July at The Lactic Factory.

More Info here

Easter Roundup

I guess its true, good things come to those who wait and for me its been a long time coming. A whole heap of shit has gone down between drinks, or should I say I went down like a heap of shit then drank a fair bit. Easter's autumn conditions acted as a guiding light to work towards. First getting out of the wheelchair (my 2nd one cause i busted the first doing wheelies around a down-ramp at uni) then rebuilding my legs to walk again, and finally getting fit enough to climb in the Grampians with the crew in April. But alas as with all good things they never last, and I find myself back in Melburn wishing I wasn't, procrastinating from study by customising a hangboard and planning the next trip away.

Philby feels the same way....

"I sometimes forget how great the climbing life can be, especially on an extended trip. It really hits home that first day back at work when you realise you wont be climbing today. There is something so pure & simple about waking up in a beautiful place, surrounded by beautiful people and going about your day's climbing without a care in the world. When your hardest decision of the day is "Where should I climb today?", life is pretty bloody good."

Man is he poetic or what? Don't answer.

"What did this 'A-Team' do?" I hear you ask. Well.....we did a bit, but not as much as I'd imagined, maybe my goals were too high, and the conditions too humid, the beer to cold, or too many crazy chicks around. Some notable ticks were pencilled in, and some were oh so close. Tis all good though, as hearts are broken, lessons are learned. Here's the top 11......

1. There must be something really interesting in KB's tent because she spent an awful lot of time in there (don't hate on me Katie - This was Philby's)
2. Don't go to the Horsham pub for a shower unless you want to be abused. Cavendish Pub is the go for free chocolate and tops food.
3. Dave 'Wetnuts' never stops eating

4. An intoxicated chick pissing on the fire is not good for the mind or the nose.

5. Jumping off Taipan in a cape doesn't make the experience any longer.

6. Barry the Board is a cunt.

7. Sutter only uses 3 pieces of TP at any one sitting??????

8. 5 couples sitting around a fire is probably the most boring fire i've walked into. Douchbags!

9. A slackline slap to the nuts doesn't tickle, neither does chasing cavemen carry clubs.
10. The Big Al and Grosey combination is unbeatable in night Bocce.
11. The Knighthawk has learned what a comeback is, but not what constitutes a good one.

The A-Team Routes/Boulders Ticked List

Big Al - Dead Heat V11, Fabio's Route 29, Taipan Descent in Furry Pants
Philby - Tyranny 29
Grosey - Chicane 29, Taipan Descent in Fluro Green Cape
The Pleb - Nothing

Team America

Mike 'Pretty-Boy' Patz - Desert Rose 27
Dave 'Wetnuts' Wetmore - Fabio's Route 29
Katie 'KB' Brown - Nothing
Chris 'Tickle my Balls' Ticknor - Smashed the Gramps into submission leaving Fabios' Route (29), Nomads (29), Naughty Tickle Town (28) & Velvet Goldmine (27) in his wake.

Doug 'Doogal' McConnell also took part with a quick sends of Venom & Monkey Puzzle, both 28, holding up his end of the stick for the Retards from Tassie.

Philby's Shots

Mike attempting Nomads, Saints and Indians 29 - Millenium Caves
and me warming up for another oh so close of Academia

Celebrations

A few points to note...

* Big congratulations to Rosco & Alex who got hitched on Saturday. Ross has now officially retired from climbing to focus on his new career as a housewife.

* Best wishes for Pat & Mel who are getting hitched in Thailand next week. Hopefully Pat remembers to wear pants.

Barry the Board

Barry the Board


The A-team has a new member... 'Barry the Board'. Barry is a beast, so suffocatingly powerful he has yet to be tamed by anyone but a wild Yeti dubbed wetnuts. Wetnuts emerged from the dense Grampians bush to crush Barry to within an inch of his life. Unfortunately, one human was harmed during the wetnuts crushing spree.





The Easter roundup is on its way folks... Stay tuned!

Cheers,

Phil

Easter

I'm not a religious kind of guy, but I do appreciate when someone sacrifices him/herself for the greater good....in this case that crazy hallucinating mexican has given us a welcomed autumn break. So lets get climbing.

Several Americans are flying in especially for the good weather. Mike Patz and Katie Brown will be in the Grampians for some fine sandstone action. Of course Victoria's ATeam (think of cricket's Australia A) will also be in fine form. Watch this space for photos, news and videos of the upcoming week of mayhem.